All alone

I am sat in front of my computer. With the minutes ticking away before nap time is over. They are going to get up soon. Olivia has not been feeling well and I forced her to take a nap by promising a movie upon her waking up. Isabella is going to be screaming "MAMA MAMA MAMA" all to soon. The other day Olivia was complaining about needing alone time. " Mama, I need some alone time please keep Isabella out of my room." Alone time?  I asked. What is that? To which she replies "you know what it is you get it all the time." PAUSE. In my head I am seriously thinking when! when in the heck am I alone? BREATH. "Really, when do you think mama gets alone time Liv?" "Every night when we go to bed." ROCK TO HEAD! "Yes I suppose that would be correct my alone time is when you are in bed.

So what am I doing with all this "alone time"? What every other momma out there is doing I suppose..Cleaning! Hiding in a closet crying! 

The old saying of Time is passing us by seems so real to me today. The girls are getting older. Baby days are over. I feel like I am watching on the side. I am trying to relish in these days I have. I know all to fast they will be the days I want back at some point. I know there will come a time when the girls will have there own lives and be out and about. Im told by ones further down this road then I, that I will miss these days of No alone time. I will miss all the screaming and fighting. I will miss all the messiness. To these people I say NO I WONT! I WILL miss aspects of my life as a young mother. However, I will not miss the noise level that is off the charts. I will not miss the tugging and pulling. Just like I do not miss night time feeds and milk blisters. I don't miss baby food poops. I look forward to going to the bathroom with out two young faces starring at me and commenting on the smell! I look forward to the time that I can take a shower without the pointing fingers from behind the glass door. (Yes, I close the door but it doesn't stop the dynamic duo!)

Today I will choose to focus on the fact that Alone Time is not ME Time. In all honestly Alone Time hasn't been ME time since I had children. Children I prayed and Believed for! Reminding myself to take in all the crazy with all the lovely! Learning to rest. Rest in all that HE has gifted, trusted and equipped me to have.Being grateful and thankful at all times. The loud,squashed,filled to overflowing, crazy times! Here's to me. Growing up! 

"I'm not a good mom!"

Ive been thinking about the title of this page for awhile now. I have heard serval different momma's say this about themselves and I have thought this about myself often at times. Mainly, when the "screaming" has quieted down and the liar of comparison stops by for a chat. She always shows up when Im not on top of my game. "Look over there." Look what they are doing different than you. Look how many friends they have. Look how in shape they are. Look how well behaved there children are. The list of topics can go on forever when she shows up for a chat.

Somedays she can stay all day and talk and fill my head with thoughts of regret and sadness. Lately though she knocks at the door and I ignore her. I have not let her in. Her chatter has become just that
a noise, a loud banging that produces nothing but a cringe. I can see her at the door waving with her sympathetic eyes. Nope, not looking at you! No, you can't come in. Go away and don't come back.

What is a good mom?
What does she look like?
What do her kids look like?
What does she do?
What does she not do?

I think "good" is crap! I think its a lie in this case.
I think the word should be best, who is the best mom.
I would say the momma who is best, is the one who is mothering the babes she has been trusted with.
I believe that the best momma for each child is placed in there life by the FATHER. Either by birth, adoption, or spiritually.

When we stop comparing, regretting, and allowing bitterness to grow our eyes are made clear. When we look to the FATHER for our fulfillment and identity we remember that HE is at work in us and through us. We remember that HE has a purpose. That HE has placed each babe with the momma He made for HIS babes. When we remind ourselves of HIS goodness, HIS grace, HIS unfailing love toward us we are moved, changed, and set free.

He has made you the BEST momma. He has equipped, filled, and given you all you need. Don't invite MRS.COMPARISON in for a cup of tea. Remind yourself of what HE says about you. What HE
thinks. What HIS plans are.

I know that I am the BEST momma for my two babes that I have been trusted with today. I would challenge you, that you are the BEST momma for the babes you are with today.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge HIM,
and HE shall direct your paths.

Love to all the BEST MOMMA'S out there.

Fun Times had by all EARS

I want to scream!!! Scream like my 2 year old is screaming right now. Her screaming is so hard to deal with sometimes. Honestly all the time. I can not stand screaming. I can not handle the high pitch sounds that only send me into a stress ball. the screams only seem to stop when I give in to whatever the desire is that has been told NO. Oh. NO that word creates the screams. Its a fine line I am walking at the moment of wanting the screams to stop so I give in. If only I enjoyed the NO more than silence and lack of screams. I would like to point out that screaming has become the music of my household when we are all home. The choice way to get what you want. Screaming has taken over the peace in the airwaves. Screaming gets the job done. They scream to get me to change my mind, I scream to get them to stop screaming and do whats been asked. We are on the screaming carousal. I would like off. I would like the ride to break and never work again. Oh LORD! Help the screaming to stop.
AAAMMMMEENNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!