The truth

So a lot has changed since I last wrote a post. Olivia is in school full time this year. Isabella is in speech therapy. Mommy is working two extra days a week. These are the main changes for us the big ones really.
Today was speech day for little chick and it was a horrible day for me… it was filled with tears and fighting with everything she has to not participate.. Its hard to watch her struggle with talking to watch her face get frustrated because she knows she can't say the word or say it the way it should be said in most cases. Bella is an amazing communicator! She is one of the smartest little people I have known.
Theres an internal struggle for me with all this… there are the facts that are so overwhelming I can only cry and scream inside and all to quickly find my place in a ball on the floor (the enemy and sometimes my flesh would like to be stuck here). Stuck focusing on the NOT YET. Focusing on HOW COME
But not this momma. Not for long.
For I know the Truth.
JESUS IS THE TRUTH
Today I am needing to remind myself of the HIS TRUTH.
The truth is Isabella has been given the words just like Jeremiah
The truth is Isabella has been given a future of hope
The truth is Isabella has been knit together by the hands of GOD
The truth is NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD not even speech issues and strong willed 3 year olds
The truth is HE has supplied all that Isabella needs and all I need, for us to make it to the other side of this.
The truth is we are not alone HE HAS NOT FORSAKEN US.
Choosing to stop and look to HIM waiting and resting in HIS presence.
Thanking HIM for the finished work.
Thanking HIM for today
Thanking HIM for the complete healing.
For nothing is broken or missing in HIM.
So grateful for JESUS.

All alone

I am sat in front of my computer. With the minutes ticking away before nap time is over. They are going to get up soon. Olivia has not been feeling well and I forced her to take a nap by promising a movie upon her waking up. Isabella is going to be screaming "MAMA MAMA MAMA" all to soon. The other day Olivia was complaining about needing alone time. " Mama, I need some alone time please keep Isabella out of my room." Alone time?  I asked. What is that? To which she replies "you know what it is you get it all the time." PAUSE. In my head I am seriously thinking when! when in the heck am I alone? BREATH. "Really, when do you think mama gets alone time Liv?" "Every night when we go to bed." ROCK TO HEAD! "Yes I suppose that would be correct my alone time is when you are in bed.

So what am I doing with all this "alone time"? What every other momma out there is doing I suppose..Cleaning! Hiding in a closet crying! 

The old saying of Time is passing us by seems so real to me today. The girls are getting older. Baby days are over. I feel like I am watching on the side. I am trying to relish in these days I have. I know all to fast they will be the days I want back at some point. I know there will come a time when the girls will have there own lives and be out and about. Im told by ones further down this road then I, that I will miss these days of No alone time. I will miss all the screaming and fighting. I will miss all the messiness. To these people I say NO I WONT! I WILL miss aspects of my life as a young mother. However, I will not miss the noise level that is off the charts. I will not miss the tugging and pulling. Just like I do not miss night time feeds and milk blisters. I don't miss baby food poops. I look forward to going to the bathroom with out two young faces starring at me and commenting on the smell! I look forward to the time that I can take a shower without the pointing fingers from behind the glass door. (Yes, I close the door but it doesn't stop the dynamic duo!)

Today I will choose to focus on the fact that Alone Time is not ME Time. In all honestly Alone Time hasn't been ME time since I had children. Children I prayed and Believed for! Reminding myself to take in all the crazy with all the lovely! Learning to rest. Rest in all that HE has gifted, trusted and equipped me to have.Being grateful and thankful at all times. The loud,squashed,filled to overflowing, crazy times! Here's to me. Growing up! 

"I'm not a good mom!"

Ive been thinking about the title of this page for awhile now. I have heard serval different momma's say this about themselves and I have thought this about myself often at times. Mainly, when the "screaming" has quieted down and the liar of comparison stops by for a chat. She always shows up when Im not on top of my game. "Look over there." Look what they are doing different than you. Look how many friends they have. Look how in shape they are. Look how well behaved there children are. The list of topics can go on forever when she shows up for a chat.

Somedays she can stay all day and talk and fill my head with thoughts of regret and sadness. Lately though she knocks at the door and I ignore her. I have not let her in. Her chatter has become just that
a noise, a loud banging that produces nothing but a cringe. I can see her at the door waving with her sympathetic eyes. Nope, not looking at you! No, you can't come in. Go away and don't come back.

What is a good mom?
What does she look like?
What do her kids look like?
What does she do?
What does she not do?

I think "good" is crap! I think its a lie in this case.
I think the word should be best, who is the best mom.
I would say the momma who is best, is the one who is mothering the babes she has been trusted with.
I believe that the best momma for each child is placed in there life by the FATHER. Either by birth, adoption, or spiritually.

When we stop comparing, regretting, and allowing bitterness to grow our eyes are made clear. When we look to the FATHER for our fulfillment and identity we remember that HE is at work in us and through us. We remember that HE has a purpose. That HE has placed each babe with the momma He made for HIS babes. When we remind ourselves of HIS goodness, HIS grace, HIS unfailing love toward us we are moved, changed, and set free.

He has made you the BEST momma. He has equipped, filled, and given you all you need. Don't invite MRS.COMPARISON in for a cup of tea. Remind yourself of what HE says about you. What HE
thinks. What HIS plans are.

I know that I am the BEST momma for my two babes that I have been trusted with today. I would challenge you, that you are the BEST momma for the babes you are with today.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge HIM,
and HE shall direct your paths.

Love to all the BEST MOMMA'S out there.

Fun Times had by all EARS

I want to scream!!! Scream like my 2 year old is screaming right now. Her screaming is so hard to deal with sometimes. Honestly all the time. I can not stand screaming. I can not handle the high pitch sounds that only send me into a stress ball. the screams only seem to stop when I give in to whatever the desire is that has been told NO. Oh. NO that word creates the screams. Its a fine line I am walking at the moment of wanting the screams to stop so I give in. If only I enjoyed the NO more than silence and lack of screams. I would like to point out that screaming has become the music of my household when we are all home. The choice way to get what you want. Screaming has taken over the peace in the airwaves. Screaming gets the job done. They scream to get me to change my mind, I scream to get them to stop screaming and do whats been asked. We are on the screaming carousal. I would like off. I would like the ride to break and never work again. Oh LORD! Help the screaming to stop.
AAAMMMMEENNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One month in.

WE ARE ALIVE!
WE STILL LIKE EACH OTHER!

These were two of my worries starting this homeschooling journey. Amazingly we have had success.
This month has been so busy. Its actually not that much different than other months. I think there is always something to keep us busy and we tend to shift one thing over for another.

Truth:
No matter who we are or what stage in life we are in we are always facing a challenge.
Home schooling Olivia has really fit right into our day to day life. Its nice to have a schedule. I love schedules! I really do. I will be honest and say that my goal to be dressed and ready for the day before we start school has not been met yet. I mean I have clothes on just not anything I would want to be seen in. So what, I'm the teacher in her PJ'S. I am working on this though. Its been noticed. Someone little told me recently I look like Fancy Nancy's momma. "Oh wow" I thought she must be really pretty. lol
forgetting what she looked like in the book. She's pretty but we both have the same MOMMA Look. Work out Clothes (cause then maybe people will think "oh she just came from the gym") pony tail and no makeup. This pretty much sums up my uniform. I am trying to get out of this rut! Lord knows I need  help. I guess it comes down to not really caring about yourself and being to tired taking care of all the other things around me. Its the typical momma thing always taking care of everyone and everything around you but not YOU. Needless to say I see this and I know I have changes to make.

Classroom Love:
I love having a classroom. I love having a kindergartener. She is so excited about everything we talk about. She hates sitting still and doing quiet work. She challenges me and reminds me daily that I am loved! This month the highlights have been watching her read a book to me. I am seeing how she learns best anything hands on and she is a go. We have been so blessed by this sweet time together.
Yes there are days were I think there is no way I can do this today or I want to scream SIT DOWN AND SHUT IT! But, even in those times i remind myself I cant be the only one screaming that in my head. there are other teachers other homeschooling momma's and papa's thinking the same thing.

So all in all I am happy with our first month. We are still alive and we still like each other. Maybe that doesn't seem like that much of a success. I'll take it. lol
Next month maybe I get out of my uniform and blowdry my hair. Goals are a good thing!

Bless you sweet friends for reading my post. May the Lord shine brightly upon you today! You are Loved!

Day 3

Just finished up day 3!
I am really learning how Olivia learns. I am asking that the Lord open my eyes to see how to teach her in the best way for her. She is loving the schedule and knowing that the school room doors open at 8:45am and class starts at 9. So far she is awake by 6:30 am asking is it time yet? So grateful for the adventure we are on.
I am finding it to be challenging during some moments mainly the ones which require her to do things she is not interested in. Oh you know like sitting still and reading! So, I am already seeing how we can change things from day to day to fit our needs.
I honestly am so focused on the schooling right now that my house has taken a back seat, like the last seat in a greyhound bus near the bathroom! I am giving myself this first week to focus on the schooling only and just let the chips fall where they may. Praying for Balance.

How do you handle it?
How do you handle the balance between babies and homeschooling your older children?

Here is my moment of realness... My goal was to be up and dressed (hair done, make up on) and ready for the day before we started school. 1out of 3 isn't bad! try again tomorrow. The funniest thing to me is that Olivia thinks having a picture in your outfit before school is apart of the daily schooling process. She doesn't think its only for the first and last day. At least we don't have to a student-teacher picture daily! Especially on the days I am still in my PJs.

Be Blessed!

Here We Go!

For the past four or so years I have felt that the Lord was directing us to homeschool. I had no idea about homeschooling. In fact I didn't know a single person who was a homeschooling family at that time. None the less I stored it away in my heart and thought I've got plenty of time before I even have to think about that.
Fast forward four years and today was our very first day of homeschooling!
I cant really believe we are here and Olivia is already in Kindergarten. I mean DO WHAT!
But, we are and she is. Over the last year we have been gathering our materials and I have been searching and praying about whether this was the right path. Only to find that every time I thought no, she is going to public school the Lord would send someone my way who was homeschooling to encourage me. So, after about three of these said encounters I submitted and obeyed. I allowed the Lord  to show me what HE wanted for this year. I am following what HE wants for her. We are not afraid of public school, we are not fearful or over protective we are merely submitted to the Lord for what he would want for HIS child. We are taking it one grade at a time. One year, One step at a time. Seeking the Lord and waiting for HIS leading.
I struggled with wanting the "normal". Wanting the same experience as the majority. To "FIT IN". But,  I realized that I am not the "NORMAL". I am unique, fearfully and wonderfully made. My life, my families life is not going to fit in a box! Its not going to look like every one else's. Not every thing is the same for everybody.
All that to say HOMESCHOOLING here we go!

Today was our first day.
I was awaken by Olivia's nose touching mine.
"Mommy, is it time for school?"
"Hold on baby, Let me check the time, uh NO its 6:15 am. School isn't until 9am"
So, my plan to rise early and have an hour to my self didn't work out. Oh well! So began the morning routine. After breakfast and Pictures the doors to room were open and we began the first day of our new adventure!
I was surprised how quickly the school work was done. I had to remind myself that its Kindergarten not 11th grade. Olivia loved every minute, honestly I did too. I had this sense of "I was created to do this". I loved seeing her realize something she didn't know before. I enjoyed watching her be creative and being the one who got to see that first hand. What an awesome Blessing to be given.
I am grateful to the Lord for this year. For this new adventure.

Here are some pictures of our school room and Olivia's first day.

Thanks for reading and stoping by! Ill see you tomorrow.